I'll just paste the email I sent some of my buddies.... Dammit.
Saw it Thursday afternoon, thought that most of the reviews I read were off. Thought the acting was pretty decent, but the writing and directing was uninspired. No surprise there.... Every time there was some little thing that could have turned it into a classic, Lucas went for the easy out. Throw in a cute cameo from the first trilogy, dumb down the relationships involved, write two lines where one would suffice.... He didn't even really capitalize on all of the politics and philosophy he blew the last two movies on. It wasn't horrible in a Jar-Jar way, but I didn't get any adrenaline out of it.... Overall, I give it a C.
My biggest problem is the way they still made Anakin a sympathetic character.... Instead of having his lust for power clearly turn him to the dark side, they gave this phantom woman illness to Padme. Instead of trying to use Palpatine for some training (which he didn't seem to need, since he wasted the Jedi without it), planning from the beginning to overthrow him, they made him all whiny and threw in one line. Palpatine would know what he was doing and just be using him as a tool to kill the Jedi, planning on the gradual wear of using the dark side against powerful masters to diminish Anakin into the twisted hulk we all know.... It could have been an intricate plot between two masterminds with a gradual descent into darkness and servitude, and instead it was a bunch of whining with no clear point. Even at the end (if it wasn't James Earl Jones, it was the best impersonation I've ever heard), he was a whining wanker instead of the pitiless robotic dreadnaught. It was a PERFECT point for him to coldly say "I have finally learned Yoda's lesson about letting go of those I love."
I would have gone berserk with joy if Grievous was actually Darth Maul! Palpatine could have used him to experiment with his dark force tricks, puting him into a robot body. It would have clearly been a coughing weezing failure, foreshadowing more clearly how Darth Vader was going to be reduced in power through the cyborg process, making him unable to challenge the Emperor (even though Palpatine said Vader would eventually overpower him). Instead of being some guy who we never met before and got light saber training from Dooku, it could have been the return of a character with a massive grudge against the Jedi that everyone loves. Give that mofo 2 double-bladed light sabres this time!
I still don't see why the tragically named and underused Dooku had to be a Sith.... He could have been the guy who sees Palpatine's plot coming together, tries to warn everyone, joins the separatists not knowing they're also working for Palpatine, and then dies in some tragic fashion imparting enough clues to ObiWan and Anakin for them to piece it together. He is ObiWan's "grandfather" after all.... Why make him a villain, when there's no need for it? Would a Jedi Master really become an apprentice to anyone? A few subtle changes could have completely built up the character without changing any of the action scenes.
As for inconsistencies with the original trilogy.... Drives me nuts. Why kill Padme? There was that scene in Jedi that definitely implied Leia having memories of their collective mother- Why not have Bail Organa take in Padme and Leia (Joseph taking in Mary, to further the Christ theme), and have her die in a few years because of the damage Anakin caused. Self-fulfilling prophecies are cool.... Leia wouldn't even have memories from her birth, since Luke was the baby that she saw most before dying. Poor Jimmy Smits spent more time driving around in his space convertible than acting Senatorial.... Maybe Leia was made a Princess in the same way Padme was? Elected to royalty on Alderaan? At this point, it's all so convoluted that you could make up anything, but I'm sure there's canon material somewhere that explains it somehow.
Dave- Owen Lars was the step-son of Anakin's mother, from after he left Tattooiine. They were in EpII for a little while.... As for giving Luke to them, I still (after all these years) don't understand why ObiWan wouldn't raise him. Yoda doesn't give a damn about having kids grow up with eir families, and It would come naturally to the Jedi to take an infant and raise it since training an older kid is what caused their trouble in the frickin first place. But, if they hadn't given Luke away I wouldn't have my Owen and Beru figures, with pitcher and glassware for drink-pouring action!
There was no point to the Wookies.... Goddam Ewoks all over again. They couldn't even give Chewbacca a new outfit- 15 years wearing the same bandoleer completely unlike anything the other Wookies were wearing. Apparently, I am too stupid to recognize him without it, despite having him called by name.
I don't like how Yoda and Palapatine, the regal masterminds of the whole piece, were reduced to cackling and jumping around in an action scene that didn't further the plot in any way. I don't think it was clear enough that Palpatine was some hideous troll using the dark side to look pretty, instead of being disfigured by Samuel L. He was wrinkly in Ep I and II as Darth Sidious, so he should/must have just decided not to hide anymore....
But despite all of that, my number one grudge: They never payed off on the Anakin "bringing balance to the force" prophecy! He fricking DID bring balance to the force! There was a crapload of good guys, two bad guys, and Anakin evened the scales. At the end, there was Yoda and Obi-Wan balanced by Palpatine and Vader. BALANCE!!! At the end, Yoda would realize that fulfilled the prophecy was and all that shit.....
sigh.... I'm just glad it's over, since there's nothing else he can destroy. Unless, of course, there's a fourth Indiana Jones movie coming.... Oh crap....
That about says it for me.... There's some more, but I'm gonna wash my hands of it all.